No resolutions are being made this year. No goals are being set. The name of the game is surviving with my sanity intact.
Last year was going to be a difficult year. Raising three young kids is never easy. And ours are no angels and they know exactly which buttons to push to make us go crazy.
I think it's almost every day I question myself and what I'm doing. Am I being the best person I can be. And then sometimes if I'm being honest here....I question motherhood. Was I even meant to be a mother. Is it something I'm doing wrong or was I just dealt a difficult hand. Others make it look easy. Others choose to have 5 or 6 kids, when I question daily if 3 was too much for me. It's just all so hard. And when kids are sick, routine is off, no one is getting the sleep they need, life can seem unmanageable.
I know there are probably a million ways I could improve, but when you feel like you are stuck it's hard to get anywhere. I read parenting books. We've gone to parenting classes. The information is there. The follow through when life is swallowing you, is impossible.
It's funny because I have given up on the idea of happiness. I don't want to be happy, I just don't want to feel stressed out and insane. I want to be content with life.
Do you believe that in order for your life to change you have to start doing new things? In other words you have to take a leap and do things out of your comfort zone. I already mentioned I was stuck in a rut, and change is extremely hard for me. I run things through my mind a million times, but I never follow through on anything.
I don't really have any answers. I don't have any great ideas for change. I just know that I need to do something. This is not a very uplifting post for the New Year. But it's honestly where I am right now. It's why not a lot gets done around here and why there isn't much to post about.
I still believe life will get better. I have hope.
And in case you don't remember what it used to look like....here is an old shot right before we replaced the fridge and started this whole thing.